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Marriage: 7 Means to Oneness


This past Sunday, as we talked about marriage and divorce out of Matthew 5 and 19, we saw that Jesus’ approach to divorce is to focus more on the beauty of marriage than the tragedy of divorce.

One of the beautiful realities of marriage that Jesus points to is a “Profound Oneness” between a husband and wife, which points to the oneness that he desires with each of us. Theologians call this Union With Christ. If you have a desire to experience more oneness in your marriage but don’t know where to start, consider these seven means to oneness in marriage. These seven things won’t give you oneness in and of themselves, but they may, by God’s grace, provide the context for deeper oneness in your marriage.

1. One God

Marriage is meant to be centered on and in the One true God. Unfortunately, many of us have centered our marriages on various idols, false gods that stand between us and the one God we were meant to devote our marriage to. Sometime this week, talk to your spouse about any idols either of you may have built your marriage on or around. (1 Timothy 2:5)

2. One Bible

Marriage is meant to be centered on and saturated in God’s Word. Consider investing in one special Bible you use to read Scripture with your spouse. Agree together about how often you will read Scripture together from this Bible. (Ephesians 5:25-26)

3. One Prayer Life

Maybe you and your spouse both pray regularly, only separately. To help create more oneness in your marriage, consider some planned times you can pray with and for each other. Dina and I love to prayer-walk every week to pray for each other, our family, community and many of you.

4. One Journal

Maybe one, or both you and your spouse journal on a regular basis. To help create more oneness in your marriage, consider investing in one special journal that both of you journal various thoughts in about your marriage, life, family, ministry, etc. Open it and read it together on a regular basis as a way of expressing some of your deepest thoughts and desires to each other.

5. One Bed

Your sexual union is an important union in your marriage, so important that the Bible says not to stop it without an agreed upon timeframe with a game plan of how to re-engage. In light of that, take some steps to make your bed a sacred place. Buy a new bed, or new sheets. Have a lock on your door. Set some ground rules with your kids. Make your bedroom a sacred place where you come together as husband and wife. (Hebrews 13:4)

6. One Interest

Maybe you and your spouse both have lots of interests or hobbies, but mostly apart from one another. Consider what interest you do or could share together. Talk about how much time and resource you can invest in that interest – together.

7. One Mission

Maybe you and your spouse both have an individual sense of mission or purpose, but don’t have a sense of mission and purpose as a couple, or as a family. Prayerfully consider putting together a mission statement as a couple, or at very least, agree on what purpose or mission you both desire to pursue together.

What ways have you been pursing oneness in your marriage? Pass your wisdom and experience along to someone who isn’t as far along in their marriage as you.